You’re right that sexual problems are rarely about sex! And “low libido” is rarely the problem too. What you call “lying beliefs” from purity culture is what I call the myths of purity culture, which I cover in my book, Recovering from Purity culture. I think you’d like it!
This is amazing Kelly! You're absolutely right about sexual dissatisfaction never being only about sex. We also find it helpful to ask folks what sexual satisfaction might involve. It's really common, both inside and outside of sexual health, to observe and name the problems within sexuality. But that reinforces the taboo around sexuality. Thanks for sharing your story and the feedback your friend shared.
Also, Julia and I are bracing ourselves for a story like this from the teachers of our future children, who will be *lucky* to have two sex therapists as parents.
Thanks for sharing this. I want to normalize it for people. Sex in marriage can be a reality that is embraced the way we embrace seasons changing. We accept. We allow. We adjust. We celebrate the uniqueness of all seasons (well, not in Tx b/c we only have one season:). We take advantage of the benefits of all seasons. I want couples to be free to explore this together, with good open dialogue.
I saw your story on Twitter today and I'm writing a short letter of support. I support female pastors, believe it to be biblical, and I wish you luck with your pastoral career!
P.S., please buy a drawer with a good lock on it. 😉
You win the award for best substack title I've seen so far this year!
Fellow minister here and I am so glad you wrote this and can't wait to read your book. Sex post-kids can be tricky and the heaps of shame we have about it in the church doesn't help anyone. I wrote a piece on embodiment yesterday and am bracing myself for the scandal that might result - especially quoting Rev. Barbra Brown Taylor and an invitation to pray naked!
You’re right that sexual problems are rarely about sex! And “low libido” is rarely the problem too. What you call “lying beliefs” from purity culture is what I call the myths of purity culture, which I cover in my book, Recovering from Purity culture. I think you’d like it!
I've got your book! Thanks for sharing. Yes, I agree.
I’m glad to hear that! I look forward to reading yours too, and learning from your theological/pastoral expertise.
This is amazing Kelly! You're absolutely right about sexual dissatisfaction never being only about sex. We also find it helpful to ask folks what sexual satisfaction might involve. It's really common, both inside and outside of sexual health, to observe and name the problems within sexuality. But that reinforces the taboo around sexuality. Thanks for sharing your story and the feedback your friend shared.
Also, Julia and I are bracing ourselves for a story like this from the teachers of our future children, who will be *lucky* to have two sex therapists as parents.
Thanks for sharing this. I want to normalize it for people. Sex in marriage can be a reality that is embraced the way we embrace seasons changing. We accept. We allow. We adjust. We celebrate the uniqueness of all seasons (well, not in Tx b/c we only have one season:). We take advantage of the benefits of all seasons. I want couples to be free to explore this together, with good open dialogue.
I love the way that you described the relational patterns. Acceptance. Adjustment. Celebration. Nuance. Surrender.
I saw your story on Twitter today and I'm writing a short letter of support. I support female pastors, believe it to be biblical, and I wish you luck with your pastoral career!
P.S., please buy a drawer with a good lock on it. 😉
lol! Love it. Thank you for this.
You win the award for best substack title I've seen so far this year!
Fellow minister here and I am so glad you wrote this and can't wait to read your book. Sex post-kids can be tricky and the heaps of shame we have about it in the church doesn't help anyone. I wrote a piece on embodiment yesterday and am bracing myself for the scandal that might result - especially quoting Rev. Barbra Brown Taylor and an invitation to pray naked!
(https://journeyingalongside.substack.com/p/how-to-have-a-body)
thank you Christine. I just read this beautiful article you wrote. and praying naked, YES Ma'am. I love BBT.
"I have hesitated to write this post for one simple reason. I am a pastor."
But you're not a pastor. You're a pastoress. Unless you were born a man, and boy, would that be an awkward thing to mention to your congregation.